Nichelle Newsletter

How Naked Are We Going To Get?

Back in the fall of 2004, I went to see "George and Martha" a play written by Karen Finley.  She starred as Martha Stewart and Neal Medlyn co-starred as George Bush.  It was great! Now the play is a book, and Karen will reading from it on Monday April 3, 7PM at Mcnally Robinson (50 Prince St)

From the McNally Robinson event calendar:

Karen Finley, George and Martha

'80s erotic art performance queen Karen Finley offers a fantasy about a tryst between George Bush and Martha Stewart in a seedy Gotham hotel. She vividly depicts domination, lackadaisical fellatio, spanking, cocaine abuse, diaper play, and a fair amount of pop psychoanalysis. The George in these pages will be recognizable as the alcoholic, Jesus-infatuated, dimwit reviled by leftists (he claims to get sexually excited when he sees soldiers or orders an execution), and Martha is the narcissistic control freak who has been the target of so many bad jokes. Finley's book is pure satire: funny and tragic and disconcerting.

How Sweet It Is To Be Loved By You

How Sweet it is...Manhattan Cupcake Culture
Originally uploaded by candiedyams.

I got an email today announcing a cupcake exhibition at our very favorite bakery, Sugar Sweet Sunshine.  Buxton Midyette is having a show, "Cupcake Culture", April 1st thru April 30th, 2006 at the Sugar Sweet Sunshine Bakery in the Lower East Side.  The show will feature a set of 15 cupcake portraits; as well as one of my signature maps depicting New York cupcake culture.  The show's opening will be this Saturday, April 1st from 5:00-7:00pm at Sugar Sweet Sunshine Bakery (126 Rivington Street, between Essex & Norfolk.

You Can't Stop The Beat

Last night was a treat! After standing online outside for nearly 30 minutes, I finally got inside the theatre at Henry Street Settlement so that I could listen and laugh to director John Waters talk about his films, Divine and Baltimore. I lucked out with a seat in the front row, and as I exited a member of the film crew told me that they got a lot of great footage of me laughing.  [Is there anyway I can make a living as a professional laugher?]

Later I walked along on Essex Street, and I found nirvana in the form of $3 martinis and Drag Queen Bingo at Boss Tweed's. Apparently Boss Tweed's decided to chuck any hipster pretense and go gay on Wednesdays. They even named the event "Lavender Tweed's". Jessica Foxx is the bawdy drag queen who calls out the numbers and gives out prizes to the winners which is either a shot or a sex toy. Last night I played a couple of rounds but didn't win.  John Waters and Drag Bingo was like a double bill of camp. Hilarious!

Nobody Knows

Looking up the defnition of snark I find this:
Snark refers to a pejorative style of speech or writing.  It could loosely be described as irritable or "snidely derisive"

Looking up the definition of satire I find this:
Satire is a literary technique of writing or art which principally ridicules its subject (for example, individuals, organizations, or states) often as an intended means of provoking or preventing change.

Gawker employs snark. Dealbreaker does satire.  Will someone create a snark-to-satire translator for anything I missed?

Eat It

Eat This Book is a new book about gets you inside the guts (!) and glory of competitive eating. The book is now out and you can pick up a copy today.  [Full Disclosure: Author Ryan Nerz is my spanking new publicity client. Stay tuned for Save the date for May 3 a fun event is coming in the next month or so.]

Takin' Care Of Business

girly pic
Photo by Brian Van.

It is not up yet, but I figure I would leverage all the buzz about business and finance blogs by mentioning that I will be launching a blog for All Business called "Keeping Nickels". My blog would focus on how small business can keep nickels in their pockets as they manage growth, build a market presence and navigate the path to profit. If you are not familiar with AllBusiness.com, check it out! It is a great resource for small businesses. [URL TK]

Radio

john_waters.jpg
Originally uploaded by arimoore.

Remember when music videos were arty?! Check out this cool video of Apes and Android's "Radio" which was directed by Funlap (via Janelle)

Keeping up the "party girl street cred", I stopped by King Size (21 Essex St) last night. It's a cute bar, and ironically it's kinda tiny, but quite nice.

Tonight, I am going to see John Waters do a one-man show, This Filthy World, that's being recorded for either film or cable.

Thursday, the WAU WAU Sisters have a show at ARS NOVA at 10PM. $15

PS The sketch was done by Arimoore.

The Walk

A PSA from me...

Spring's here and people tend to get a bit frisky with the more sunlight and warmer weather. Hooking up on a school night can be fun; that's totally cool.  However, it can been in pain in the ass (no pun intended) clothing-wise the next day. Women cannot wear the same outfit to work two days in a row. This is especially a problem if you see the same people 5 days/week. "Walk of Shame" Shopping is the only solution. Jessi Klein's piece in Paper is spot on, and I have a few more recommendations.

1. If you hook-up downtown, you best bet is to go to Century 21 (22 Cortlandt Street). It opens at the crack of dawn at 7:45 AM, Monday Through Friday.
2. Most Gaps/Old Navys open at 10AM, except for the ones near Times Square which may open at 9AM.
3. K-Mart on Astor Place (yes it may come to this) opens early. I think as early as 8AM, but I have to confirm.
4. Canal St is a no go because all you will find of knock-off of Balenciaga bags and I LOVE NY hats, which would be good only if your "walk of shame" morning coincides with Halloween and you could say that you are in costume as a tourist.
5. Here a proactive option: If after a few drinks during happy hour, you are 99.9% that you going home with the musician/writer/vegan that you are talking to, stop by the American Apparel
   store on the Lower East Side (183 East Houston St) which stays open to 10PM on weeknights.  A Henley Dress $36 and one of the acrobatic Melange scarfs $15 would only set you back $51.Besides, he's gonna pay for the taxi to Astoria or East Bushwick right?

ADDENDUM: For the trashy-chic trendy fashionistas, there's Strawberry. The one near Grand Central opens at 8AM.

PPS: Thanks to The Company Bitch, the conversation continues and here's a tip from one commenter...Gap on 6th Ave around 46th Street opens at 8 AM., and I've heard that the JCrew in the Amex building downtown opens around 7 AM.

Trapped In A Closet

So, South Park did a parody, and last summer Kels did his one-man show at the MTV Video Awards.
THIS FRIDAY, something wicked comes. Kenny Mellman (Kiki & Herb) and Neal Medlyn (the Paris Hilton of Performance Art) premiere an evening of the songs of Robert Sylvester Kelly including
"Heart of a Woman" "The Greatest Sex" "3-Way Phone Call" (with a surprise
guest!) "Ignition (remix)" and many more. A lot of things will happen. A
whole lot.

KENNY MELLMAN + NEAL MEDLYN = ROBERT KELLY
The Final Evening of NEAL MEDLYN'S SUPERSTAR DUETS
Presented by GALAPAGOS ART SPACE
As part of their ongoing EVOLVE theater series
FRIDAYS, MARCH 31
8PM
TICKETS: call 212-868-4444 or visit
http://www.smarttix.com/show.aspx?showCode=NEA0
$10 in advance, $12 at the door
70 North 6th Street, between Kent & Wythe
Williamsburg, Brooklyn
http://nealmedlyn.com

Blue Monday

• Being self-employed means you can call in "melancholy".
• I may take up needlepoint using pinup patterns from Sublime Stitching.
• I am pissed that I didn't sign up for Writely before Google got their paws on it.
  
• Listen to hot young Italian jazz trombonist, Gianluca Petrella.
• TreaderJoes in Union Square, Fairway in Red Hook and Whole Foods in Park Slope means that New Yorkers love food more than you think.

Hold On

ps_DSC1199
Originally uploaded by brianvan.

Heidi and I look hopeful...for spring. This picture was taken exactly four months ago on November 25. I can't wait to ditch the scarf and coat!

Titties And Beer

Titty, Titty! Bang, Bang!
My cleavage is in the Village Voice! Read RKB's article about BoobiSexuals. Picture  was taken by Cheryl B at the Hot and Nasty party February 12. [Time flies when you are having fun]
Also, since I don't have a camera right now, I have not been contributing to The Beautiful Divide, but others have and it is still active for your boobie-viewing pleasure!

Other sites that have found my cleavage:
Queerty
TGP

And someone just liked my quote: (hat tip to Jess Wood)
Pierre Tristam

Free

The guys over at FREENYC always tip me off to the coolest and free-est events. Here's a sample of some of the parties you may want to check out. $FREE.99!

Saturday, March 25: Nerd Nite @ Orchid Lounge 7PM
Monday, March 27: Bars and Beats Night @ Blue Owl 8PM
Tuesday, March 28: Elevator Sex Muzak @ King Size 10PM [Join me; I'm going after Chicks!]
Saturday, April 8: Cheap and Sleasy, FreeNYC's 2nd Anniversary Party @Galapagos. 10PM

Satin Doll

Books! Books! Books!

In the past week, I have received three books. I got Satin Nights by Karen Quinones Miller

I also got The Rolexxx Club by Meta Smith from a publicist at Time Warner.

I won this book, The Richest Man Who Ever Lived by Steven Scott, via InBubbleWrap.com

I read this book, Ego and Hubris: The Michael Malice Story by Harvey Pekar.  It was great! Who knew that a Black girl from Alabama and a Russian Jew from Brooklyn could have similar childhoods?!

The Girl From Ipanema

Celebrate Allison's birthday, spring, and all things Brazilian on Saturday, April 1. (No Fooling!)
The Brazilian Muse Spring Party
April 1, 2006
Lava Gina
116 Avenue C
with DJ Greg Caz
FREE!

Hip Hop Hooray

Hip Hop Hooray

I am going to this tonight---The First Ever Country Hip-Hop Festival at
Southpaw!  It's $10 and there will be homemade cookies. The concert features Brighton's Eminemmylou who does a cover of Eminem's "The Way I Am" which kinda sounds like The Streets over banjo loop track. I listened to it this morning and  I haven't decided if it is quirky or just plain crap!

Recap: Rench, producer and lead rapper of B*Star, started the concert with a set.  His music reminded me of a slightly more country-fried Beck during the "Where It's At" days.
Then the hostess with the mostess Anita Cookie came out and a burlesque number. Burlesque at a a country hick-hop seems weird, but it's Brooklyn, OK?!  Speaking of cookies, there were people offering free homemade chocolate chip cookies.

In Your Eyes

Tonight I went to see The Cataract, an exciting new play by Lisa D' Amour. It is now in previews at the Julia Miles Theatre which is home to the Women's Project. The Women's Project is an organization dedicated to showcasing women playwrights and directors.

The play is funny, crazy, wet and a little sexy. Plus, there's two hot guys who take their shirts off. I highly recommend seeing during its run from March 22 to April 15.

Girl, You'll Be A Woman Soon

Annoucement: I am now self-employed as a small business accountant.  I may call my new business "Keeping Nickels"---or not.  I have three wonderful clients and a couple others are interested. Paying bills has never been more rewarding!

Rice to Riches: I know it's been around for awhile, but it is so much soothing after a long day of work than a pint of beer!

Chicks and Giggles: The girls wowed the crowds last weeekend in Roanoke, so come tonight to see what the fuss it about. (Mo Pitkins, 7:30PM)

Poetry Vs Comedy: April 6 at Galapagos with a great line-up and musical guest Adira Amram.

Score one for Kruc: Made Page Six and took a shot at Gawker in one hit.

A Woman's Worth

Celebrate the start of spring on Tuesday with these wonderful events:

DEFLOWERED
A celebration of the Vernal Equinox
Deitch Projects
18 Wooster St
Created by Julie Atlas Muz
Fertility Dance performed every half hour starting at 6PM.
with Linda Dirty Martini, Laure Leber, Lynn Lukki Sally, The World Famous *BOB* and more

CHICKS AND GIGGLES
Tuesday, March 21, 2006 @ 7:30PM
Mo Pitkin's (34 Ave. A)

FREE!

Lineup:

Ophira Eisenberg (Best Week Ever)

Erin Foley (Montreal Just for Laughs Festival)

Karith Foster (Premium Blend)

Katie Halper (Laughing Liberally)

Jackie Monahan (Stand Up New York)

Jenny Rubin (AOL Comedy)

Hosted by Carolyn Castiglia (Laugh Factory).

Ain't Nothing But A G Thang, Baby

Last night, I finally made it to G lounge, the venerable gay bar on 19th Street. There was no green beer in sight, and the vodka tonics were potent.
Here's a cute Q & A of Carolyn, talking about the Chicks and Giggles show in Roanoke.
Piers interviewed my caffeinated beer-enabler, Rhonda, on PSFK.

Blue Moon

Moonshot Beer is here!  My new friend Rhonda Kallman is perking up New York City with her caffeinated beer.  Here is a mash-up map that I created where you can find Moonshot Beer including the Jen Bekman opening tonight.

Community Walk Map - Moonshot Map

I'll Be Around

Just a wee bit of self-promotion...If you ever need anyone to speak at an event, be an expert for an article on blogging, cupcakes, women in comedy, global warming, cults, scientology, cuddle puddles, spinsters or Black People, then contact me here at nichelle AT gmail DOT com.  Here is my speaker/expert's bio courtesy of SocialText.

We Belong Together

 

Match Day is March 16. Match Day is a totally different kind of March Madness. It is when medical students find out where they are going to do their residency. [Think "Grey's Anatomy".] My youngest sister Rasheeda will be waiting it out on Thursday morning when she finally finds out where she will spend the next couple of years of hell. [Think "ER".]

Please send her good thoughts, because if this blogging/comedy producer/publicist thing doesn't work out for me, then you know I will be mooching off her until I die. Here's the link for the webcast, which will be at 11AM on Thursday.

UPDATE: She's going to DUKE for her residency!

Mortal Combat

 

Would you like to spend the first Saturday in Spring (March 25) strolling through the Village and gnoshing on snacks like ice cream, pizza, yummy gay boys (just kidding) and having fun?  I have free passes for 5 peeps who want to join me on a Watson Adventures Scavenger Hunt around the Village. Come join"Team Nichelle" and kick all the guys a-s-s-e-s.  [Sometimes you gotta fight to death, even with scavenger hunts.]

The hunt is from 12PM-3PM, so let me know if you can do it.

Ugly American

I've got no culture but Mcdonald's and Coke.
if yours goes any deeper, well I'll treat it like a joke.
Don't know anything about foreign policy.
If there's a problem I say, "Send the marines!"
Ugly American
I'm an Ugly American
You call me an Ugly American.
Proud to be an Ugly American.
-Quincy Punx

He's B-A-C-K! Mike Daisey is back onstage doing his show, "The Ugly American" for a two night stand at Ars Nova.  The performances will be Friday, March 24 and Wednesday, March 29, 2006 at 8PM. Tickets are $15.
 
From the creator of 21 DOG YEARS and MONOPOLY! comes a dazzling new monologue about the strange and unpredictable experiences of a young American studying theater abroad. At the age of 19, Mike Daisey went to London expecting to be greeted by the ghosts of Gielgud and Olivier. Instead, he falls in with a postmodern, neo-feminist theater group intent on introducing him to a very different world. From serving tea to Tom Stoppard to driving drunk with an angry pimp, Daisey weaves together his misadventures with an eloquence and manic intensity that prove irresistible.

Related:
You Might Think Review of "All Stories Are Fiction"
Nasty Girls/Bad Boys Recap of "Bullies and Mean Girls"

Celebrity Skin

We Smirch is the new crack for the celebrity-crazed office worker because it automatically aggregates stuff from AP, blogs, and those rags over in the UK. Compared to WeSmirch, "twelve posts a day" is like a gateway drug.

By the way, I posted this piece about our celeb-obsessed culture yesterday over at Morph, the Media Center Blog.

Lastly, Deborah Schoeneman's book 4% Famous comes out in May.

I Got The Power

 .

The lovely Lauren sent me a copy of The Power of Purpose: Living Well by Doing Good by Peter Temes.  I have not read much of it passed the introduction, but I know I will like it.  The concept of helping others will help you succeed is also documented in Keith Ferrazzi's Never Eat Alone which was one of my favorites last year.

Straight Jackers

Stiffed and The Dansettes are both down in Austin for SXSW.  I just found out that Stiffed is now signed to Lizard King Records (where The Killers reside), so prepare to hear a lot about Stiffed this spring.

Snow Patrol is also at the SXSW.  I first heard about them through Brian at Coverville.  They have a sick version of "Crazy In Love" by Destiny's Child. Snow Patrol will be playing in the NYC on March 28.

File this one under stupidity: There's a punk band at SXSW named The DC Snipers. WTF?!

Invisible Touch

Check out artist Beverly McIver's work at Kent Gallery (541 West 25th St.). Her exhibition "Invisible Me" will be on display through April 15.

On Saturday, I spotted author Gigi Levangie Grazer and her husband Brian at the Van De Weghe Gallery checking the Basquiat  exhibition.

I am in the New York Post today...I can't find the link, so please spend a quarter to read my quotes about "The Sopranos" season premiere. Here's the link. Thanks Mandy!

Ok, I am SO checking this out: The 1st Annual Country Hip Hop Festival at Southpaw, March 23.

Still looking for more bookkeeping gigs.  I will pay your bills for you! How cute is that?!

You Dropped A Bomb On Me

Last night I attended Amanda Stern's Happy Ending Reading Series and came away with terrific book and music recommendations.

• Janice Erlbaum's memoir: Girlbomb: A Halfway Homeless Memoir
• Rebecca Godfrey's true crime nonfiction: Under The Bridge
• Dave King's book with the "coarse" sexy bits: The Ha-Ha
• Pinataland, the band who does a fantastic cover of Springsteen's "Dancing In the Dark". They slowed it down to a melodic dirge that sorta reminded me of Mazzy Star's "Fade into You".

Hey Mr. DJ

OK, Ellen and I saw Dave Chappelle's Block Party last weekend.  Checking the box office statistics, it opened at #7 out of the top ten movies last week, but I have no idea how many screens/locations that showed it. Two reasons to see it are the concert footage and Chappelle's comedy. The music was great, and I should know because I was there that rainy day in September 2004. Ellen and I got super excited because we saw ourselves in the film.  There's a quick shot of us on line near the Manhattan Bridge waiting for buses to take concertgoers to a "secret location" in Bed Stuy.

I guess we have director Michel Gondry to thank for our mili-second of fame, so maybe I will check his DJ'ing skills tonight at B-Side (204 Avenue B).  Apparently Michel's gonna spin some tunes. I just wonder if he will use "two turntables and a microphone" or will be DJing  via an iPod.  Please kick it to me "old skool", mon ami!

Whenever Whatever

Jami "Attagirl" Attenberg is reading this Monday March 13 at SMUT@ Galapagos. Her book, Instant Love comes out June 13.
Question: How can we get Shaye Areheart to give out a lot of galleys to bloggers like me who love Jami's writing? [Inquiring minds want to know.]

UPDATE:  Neither Jami nor the publisher have any more galleys.  Hopefully, I will get one at BEA in May.

Head Over Heels

Head Over Heels
Photo by Michael Cogliantry

If you have been reading the blog for awhile, then you know that I am big fan of The Lascivious Biddies .  I first saw them back in 2001 at The Screening Room, and they have a come a long way, baby. Their fun blend of jazz, country, pop and swing is as refreshing as the name of their genre, cocktail pop. The girls are playing this Thursday, March 9 at The Cutting Room (19 West 24th Street) at 9PM.  Go see them and listen to the Biddy podcast.

Aspiring Angel

Bari
Originally uploaded by candiedyams.

Chicks and Giggles favorite, Bari Koral will perform with her full band on
Thursday, March 16th at 9:30PM in the main space of Mo Pitkins. Plus the amazing blues singer-songwriter David Jacobs- Strain will perform. $10

It's Hard Out Here For a Pimp

Attended a fun Oscar party where there was nachos, hotdogs,high-def TV, gays and cupcakes. Hooray! BTW, if you have a small business and need help with Quickbooks, contact me. I have an interview tmro, please wish me luck.

New blogs/websites:

• Newsvine
• Fashion/PSFK

No Surprises

Anne's roommates

Further proof of how small this city is...Last night at Parkside, RKB and I saw Anne from The Hazzards' roommates and they are both musicians.

Sean who is one half of the mellow pop duo, Pathfire, played a set of their songs.   Brian who is the lead singer of Dogs in Winter will be playing this Tuesday at Arlene Grocery. Brian and his band are going to SXSW this month. [I took the pictures above at the birthbay bash last May]

I'll Take Manhattan

A recap for Friday night is necessary, so here goes. I went to a reading at Paragraph, a writing space that I had joined last fall.[Currently, I'm on a break] The authors reading were David Gates (Jernigan, Preston Falls) and Jonathan Ames (What's Not To Love, Wake Up, Sir!). I have read books written by both authors so it was really special. When I got there it was packed, and I noticed a girl struggling to open a bottle of wine.  I looked around for help because I too wanted to taste the nectar of the gods in the form of Pinot Grigio. When I spotted a man, I asked him politely to help us. He did. I did not know until 30 minutes later when I saw him read that I had coaxed author David Gates into enabling my free wine habit! Jonathan read a dark story from What's Not To Love that I especially enjoyed because I know from firsthand experience that drinking four Manhattans can make you do some crazy stuff. Later, I told Jonathan Ames how I almost kept a friend from buying his book because I had an extra copy.  The good news is that she did buy the book, and I did rave about it to her. I also spotted David Goodwillie whose book is coming out in June 2006. [If his friends are googling him, here's my second mention of David.]

Git Up, Git Out

When I hear about a reading for a play called The Great Sambo Machine, then I am curious. Plus, it was free to see it this afternoon as part of Ars Nova's Next Step series. Next Step is a workshop that gives writers a chance to develop their work.  I hiked over to Hell's Kitchen expecting not to know a single soul, but onstage is comedian Baron Vaughn as Sambo. [He is everywhere] The play written by Aurin Squire kinda reminded me of The Colored Museum meets The Wiz (without being a musical). I would like to see it again in after it has been tweaked.

The next Next Step workshop that I want to check out is Kyle Jarrow's Love Kills.  I met Kyle at Desiree's birthday party and he is also a member of The Fabulous Entourage. Check out his musical March 27, 7PM at Ars Nova.

Cool

My buddy Don McCloskey told me about this girl named Phaea. She has a show at Parkside on Saturday.

Meeting in the Ladies' Room

Originally uploaded by Danny Playami.

Just as I finish shedding tears at not getting my forty acres and a mule last month for Black History Month, I will now start shedding my uterus in time for Women History's Month. Hooray!
I am so thankful for the following (starting with my youth up to present);

• The Color PINK
• Barbie Dolls
• Pigtails
• Dresses
• Mary Janes
• Training bras
• MOM
• Slumber parties
• MY TWO SISTERS
• Lip gloss
• Real bras
• MY DAD
  
• Periods
• Crushes
• Make-up
• Tampons
• Madonna
• Dates
• Corsages
• Prom

The Facts Of Life

You take the good,
You take the bad,
You take them both
and there you have
The Facts Of Life

You can re-live your favorite sitcom by checking out Ars Nova this Friday, March 3!

THE FACTS OF LIFE: THE LOST EPISODE
From 1979 to 1988, Blair, Jo, Tootie, Natalie and Mrs. Garrett ruled the airwaves. Now years later, Jamie Morris, the creator of the LA Weekly Theatre Award-winning comedy “Mommie Queerest,” brings you THE FACTS OF LIFE: THE LOST EPISODE, an original two-part, Viewer-Discretion-Advised musical inspired by the popular television series. 8PM/$15

Trivia: Alan Thicke wrote the theme song for TFOL and his then-wife Gloria Loring sung it.